I Tried to Steal a Dog

As I've mentioned a couple hundred times, I work with children who have been abused and neglected in the most horrific, awful, sad, and disgusting ways that some people struggle to even imagine- never mind to actually live it. That said, I have never brought one home. I do not feel compelled to "save" the children by welcoming them into my own life at such a personal level, because working with them in the manner of which I do provides enough intrinsic satisfaction for me. Plus, these children have a voice; they also have child advocates, social workers, youth workers, case workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, teachers, doctors (upon doctors), medications, therapies, and coping mechanisms. 

However, when I hear of an animal, dogs in particular, that is suffering from abuse and/or neglect it is another story. Imagine my rage when my bff informs me that she knows of a dog that is being tormented with such bullshit. While she speaks, I can feel my blood start to boil, my hands start to twitch, and I suddenly get really hot (...?). I was basically one step away from my dark passenger completely taking over and going all Dexter on the ass-hole whom she is speaking about.  (Although, I was a couple of super stoked vodka cokes in at this point, so holding any sort of sharp object really wasn't ideal.) 

My trusty, law abiding, politically correct bff informed me that she had reported this abuse to the humane society and 3-1-1 numerous times already. The poor pooch was still in its same living quarters and under the same lousy conditions.  I took this moment to get all Mother Teresa and decided that justice needed to be served. While Cassalicious had been holding it together quite well until this point, my rage had weakened the feelings she had done so well keeping suppressed and soon she had caught up with my fury. Together we filled our dinner talk with resentment and the kind of anger you see in roid monkeys. 

That was that, we had to go save the dog, heal it with our love, and give it the beautiful life it deserves, 

so long as I committed the crime and kept it at my house.

Cassalicious pulled up to a quiet home, in an old neighbourhood full of gorgeous tall trees, that is best known for its abundance of hookers and drug use. That is when it finally happened for me; love at first sight. Sitting in his unfenced backyard, tied to a rope shorter than Finn's 'training leash' (the one used when I try to show off how well Finn can walk next to his owner) (which doesn't work), is the most beautiful dog in the world. At first, from a distance, and through slightly blurred vision, he looked like a regular pit bull pup.  After 100ish "aweeeeeee"s, "sooooo cuteeeee", and "good boyyyyyyy"s, I had approached the lovely animal.  Completely unaware if anyone was home or watching, fortunately I had the ever-helpful Cassalicious video taping behind me/ keeping a watchful eye out. 

This dog was effing muscular and certainly not an 8 week old puppy that I had envisioned. Up close, he almost looked like a pit bull cross bull mastiff (known for being MASSIVE). When he had originally been described to me, I remember hearing the words adorable, cute, and little puppy. While this dog was definitely good looking, he could obviously have been mistaken for a killer and images of him biting my hand off in one little nibble flashed through my mind. Cassalicious is obviously no longer reputable.

Luckily for my limbs, the dog was super playful. He instantly started jumping up and down (which I corrected better than Cesar himself) and covered my hand in gross, sloppy kisses. I WANT HIM. After introducing myself, I knelt down to his large, shark-like jaw level, and unclasped his leash.  Playful Pete charged at Cassalicious in a "I'm actually going to rip you to pieces" kind of way, and my God it was funny watching her run. I really did think he was going to bite her in the ass.  (He didn't.)  Once he got near the vehicle, he started to shake. A better word for it might even be convulse. He was so afraid of the car! Damn owners had apparently been spotted hitting and kicking him a number of times when he tried to jump up into vehicles. The little (huge) guy ran back to his leash and sat back down in the unmowed grass, now scared of us. Our only solution now was to lure it into the vehicle with snausages, like a professional dog-napper would do.

We raced off to IGA for dog treats, sped back to the house, and the crappy owners had returned.

FURY/RESENTMENT/WRATH/ANNOYANCE/RAGE/ANGER/IRRITATION/TEMPER

Mission failed. 

Now, while Cassalicious believes the dog should be named Dexter; because he clearly looks capable of murder, I gave him the name Jack Bauer; because he is so bad ass. The question remains of what to do about poor Dexter/ Jack Bauer! Clearly reporting to people who are supposed to help is not working. Although after speaking with The Voice of Reason (my dad) he reminded me that not only could I face jail time, but I would lose my career if I was caught in the act. What can I/we/anyone do?!!

Ps. If you would like to steal me this dog I am happy to provide the home address for you.   :)

--I'm going to take a time out here to say a little something about the bad reputations Pit Bulls have gotten. I feel like the people who keep getting Pit Bulls that end up being harmful to others- are shit head owners like the ones I am mentioning today. These kinds of people don't get little shih tzus or pomeranians. They seek out a 'bad' dog that looks the part and can easily be trained to attack, or simply not train them at all and when the dog ends up hurting a person they are easy to place blame on. These people are the ones to blame for the pit bull stigma. I am afraid that Dexter/ Jack Bauer is headed towards the same fate, as he clearly does not have owners to train him properly, and once again a pit bull is going to end up aggressive.--

Ziggs Did it Again

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what happens when you get into fights!

Actually, this is what happens when you pivot too quickly on your way to a fight and twist your ankle...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG JKHSL:VFUJHIDFKD';'SHFCA

Poor Ziggs.  He then walked about 13km on it, over uneven terrain and in work boots, making it even more hideous. 

The moral of the story is to slowly approach your opponent before you try to kick his ass.  

Date Night

Ziggs and I decided it's time to get creative!  Our typical date includes the skipping of dinner in order to enjoy an incredibly large bag of popcorn, a pop big enough to quench the thirst of a small village, and to enjoy an action packed movie (or the latest Twilight...) on a weekly basis.  Considering my mom is the one who picks up our movie combo passes from Costco (movies are OUTRAGEOUSLY priced otherwise), but she is currently busy globe trotting, we have come up with a list of alternative dates!  For the next few weeks, each time our date night arrives we will simply draw our evening plans out of the date jar!  As you can see, we have one down and eleven to go!  I am just so excited to see which one we get next!  Do you have any fun date ideas???

* Bowling with another couple

* Go to Titanic exhibit

* Coffee date at Cafe Haven

* Take Finn for a walk around River Valley

* Stay in and play Scrabble

* See a show at the citadel theatre

* Invite others over for home cooked dinner

* Go to Crankpots

* Movie night

* Play slots at Casino

* Take Belle and Finn to off-leash

* Start a new TV series in finished basement!

Lovers Forever

Life is too short to hold grudges, sit back in judgement, and announce to anyone who will listen about how much you hate someone else.  Hate?  Really?  I used to be that way too, but what's the point?  There is one thing I have learned from reading thousands of facebook statuses over the past couple of years; when you complain- no one truly cares.  Think about it, when your friend says "man my shoulder is sore" how much are you really sympathizing for them? Like none.  You say "ohhh..." Not interesting.  Which is why I am here today so say how much I love the people in my life.   

Best friends go to dreaded events with you, lend you anything you request, obnoxiously laugh at the same lame things as you, and be there at the drop of a hat if you need them.  Hell, my best friends will blurt out "you seriously look shit" if I'm having an off day, continue to pee in the toilet I've passed out next to, and think it's the most normal thing in the world to bring over special brownies.  Supportive when you have made a dumb decision, question you when are hiding something, and the first to say your new boyfriend is the biggest jackass in the whole world (Not you ZiggyZoo!).  Where would you be without your besties?       

Saying that- Facebook has really started to hit a nerve!!!  'Liking' my latest upload, commenting on my status, or writing me a wall post is not showing the love.  Call me!!  When was the last time you wrote a hand written letter?  Called a friend to go for lunch instead of asking of a text?  Had a private conversation instead of posting it on the internet?  These little things are important!  Relationships take effort, time, and interest.  Even though technology is supposed to bring us closer together, and with easier and convenient methods, I find that it is only bringing us farther apart.  Back in the day, people did not have phones or internet, so any communication was made in person.  Now that we have more means than ever, relationships are failing because one would rather pop on facebook than pause the latest episode of Big Brother and go for a drink. Don't get me wrong, I spend just as much time on facebook as the next person, but my favourite memories of my friends are when I was actually with them, not lost in cyber space.

Besides, without best friends you would never have moments like this one... (this video is a must watch btw)
  

Canada Day

Ziggs and I are celebrating our four year anniversary in a couple of weeks!  We figured that considering both of us had the day off, we would go get one another a little gift.  Precious.  After setting my alarm in the morning, showering, and making myself presentable I woke up Ziggs.  The first thing he does in the morning (like most people) is turn on his cell phone.  I hear the annoying ZWEEEEE Vvvvv Vvvvv from the Valley Boys bbm perma-group-convo go off; clearly something important in the sports world is going on.  Well, Ziggs forgot it was free agent day (as if I could give two shize) and hopped back into bed.  Afterall, "this only happens once a year."  I gave him about five minutes of watching quite possibly the most uninteresting tv program I have ever sat in on in my entire life, before standing on the end of the bed and chanting "GET UP" to the point that he wanted to punch me in the face.  Whatever though, it worked. 
Off to south edmonton common we go!  Of course, we are sitting in complete silence while listening to sports radio, in order to hear each trade that takes place during our twenty minute drive.  The thing about sports radio is if you don't know who or what the radio guys are talking about (so the entire time they are talking) you seriously cannot even tell when they finish and start a new sentence. At least Crash and Mars give some spunk to their conversatipns.  Instantly, my rage seeps back into me and I find myself looking out the window, thinking of ways I can get away with Zigg's murder.  Naturally I pouted for a couple minutes and won that battle too.  Ke$ha trumps news.  
Now the ZWEEEEE Vvvvv Vvvvv was happening way more often than usual so I asked what the hell could his friends have to say that is so interesting and necessary for his phone to stay on LOUD.  Apparently it was not the Valley Boys; Ziggs had signed up to receive a text everytime someone was signed.  Perfect. 
If our romantic morning was not quite enough to keep the sparks flying after four years, Ziggs ended up paying for his own anniversary gift- from a hunting store (which is NOT a fun place for girls to browse for an hour), and I did not get anything. 
All of this and it wasn't even noon.

Epically Lazy

I have not been cooking lately, nor doing anything productive for that matter.  Since completing numerous seasons of Grey’s Anatomy, Gossip Girl, and One Tree Hill I have raised the bar for just how lazy one person can be.  I even went as far as to cancel my gym membership because I would rather be sitting on the couch, eating chocolate dipped cookies, and watching numerous back to back episodes than get a good workout in and remain healthy.  Poor Ziggs, not even married and already letting myself go.  I would love to be able to write about all of the fantastic meals I have been creating, but sadly (even as I write this) I am still streaming Gossip Girl.  It’s like a new addiction I can’t kick.  I’m just addicted to being useless. 

Speaking of useless, I finally have a couple of days off after working five nights in row and was planning out my free day.  Of course it has to start with doing five days worth of dishes piled up in the sink (Thanks Ziggs).  I would post a picture but I am truly too embarrassed.  The kitchen actually started to smell from it, as it wafted to the front door and I noticed when I walked in last night!

I should probably mention how Sweet Potato Pie is unreal!  Ziggs and I were actually terrified to try it (especially after I made it with cream cheese instead of butter) and it sat in our fridge for like three days first.  Veggies and ice cream just sounded so wrong.  BUT You know when there is an exciting twist on one of your favourite shows and it just puts you in the best mood ever? Well, once we had watched Friday Night Lights and saw my boyfriend Matt Saranson was back – I was on top of the moon!  It gave me the courage to try the dreaded Veggie Pie!  Luckily it ended up being a massive success, sweet potato pie tastes just like pumpkin pie but healthy for you! Ahhhh I cannot believe I had never experienced it before and I wish I had.  SO GOOD.  Even butterless.

It has also been brought to my attention that there is such thing as a garlic crusher (thank you Tansy).  I still don't have one though, and the other day I figured I would just use my cheese grater as a sub in.  WRONG.  I dented my cheese grater! :( Considering almost everything I make either requires garlic, cheese, or both I should probably replace and purchase them soon. 

Oh boy, did Finn and I ever have words this morning.  I came out of the show er and found him chewing on a new toy- a Victoria’s Secret strapless bra.  After mentioning to him that that particular chew toy cost more than the monthly allowance for dog food; he said ‘sorry mommy’ and let it fall from his mouth.  I have also asked him to steer clear of all other delicates, lululemon, my laptop cord, and slippers.  I think we are now on the same page.  

I DID MAKE ONE THING THOUGH.  Baked Potato Soup.  Tried it out for the first time today and it was pretty good.  I could see myself making it again but maybe subsituting the cauliflower with brocoli! YUM.  It was surprisingly filling too; with today being a shitty day out it was the perfect late lunch.  Late because I was too busy doing nothing. 

Hopefully I will get off of my ass soon and have more to say very soon!  I just wouldn't hold your breath...