People love their money and when it comes to giving it to other people- the answer is no. For example: Ziggs no longer has to pay for a vehicle, gas, or his cell phone (lucky boy he is). I, however, am on a strict biweekly budget and can barely afford a replacement stick of deodorant half of the time; so I end up pushing the stick harder and harder into my skin with the hope that it's still working. So half jokingly (but dead serious on the inside), I asked Ziggs if he would like to put a little something something in the ol' Cobalt, as the gas light had flashed empty for the third day now. He honestly looked at me as if I had just said, pretty please babe- assassinate the Prime Minister. I took it as a no.
I mean honestly, when I get an invite on facebook from a friend... no, not even, an acquaintance -for their birthday pub crawl for the low cost onetime payment of $25 I am instantly not interested. $25?!?!?!?! Do you have any idea how many other things I would rather drop twenty five bucks on? Hell, I'd rather top up my tampon stock than pay that much money just for a ride to your birthday. Not to mention I will probably be the oldest person on the bus, the token slutty 18 year old girls (who drink too, much too fast, and act like strippers all night) will just put me in a bad mood, and you will have picked the most expensive bars in the city where a $10 bill no longer gets you and a friend a drink, and tips the bartender- now you have to break a twenty because each highball was like $7, and the bartender seriously expects you to tip them your change. Realistically, if you are not on the list of people that I am going to physically go out and buy a birthday gift for anyways, and that list has less than ten people on it, then there is no chance of me giving up food for a week just to attend your birthday!
Each and every time I go to my parents' house, a telemarketer calls. Now as soon as I see the 1-800 on the caller I.D- it’s over; not interested. My dad is the same and he will answer the phone saying "UMMM EXCUSEZ-MOI BUT IN THIS COUNTRY IT IS 6:00PM AND I AM ACTUALLY TRYING TO ENJOY DINNAAAAH WITH MY FAMILY. ARRRRRR YOU COMPLETELY STUPID?" Click. Let's be real here, when I go to my parents', I go for one of two reason; to raid their pantry of anything they won't realize is missing, or to play angry birds on my moms iPad. Both of which take precedence over whatever it was the telemarketer said they were calling for.
Then there is fundraising. I've know of people that hold fundraising events so they can fly around the world for a year! Sounds sweet BUT if you can't even pay for your own damn flight then how exactly are you going to survive in a foreign country?? Get off your ass for a couple of months, get a job, and save for it yourself. Fricken moochers. If you are going to fundraise for a cause, something admirable and for the good of others- hell yeah I'll donate! The fact that you are trying to help a part of this world already makes me feel lazy and useless; the absolute least I could do is give a little cash.
Alas, we have reached the point of this glorious blog. My mom, Debbie Doo, suggested I read this one book she had. I said yeah yeah… Then she recommended it again. And again. And again. And again. And again. Each time, forgetting she had already told me about it. Then one day she said, “Hey Lauren, you should read this book I just finished...” So I said HOLY CRAP I’LL READ THE FRICKEN BOOK WOMAN. Then Deb went high pitched on me, that’s when you know you’ve upset her, as she called me mean and walked away.