Tuesday, October 15

Theme Parties: NOW

I love house parties. They are way more fun than the bar.  House parties don't have overpriced drinks or sweaty drunkies spitting everywhere/talking to you, and you can do hilarious things like practice three person restraints and nobody will judge you; mostly because there aren't any hoes in 6 inch heels who think they are better than you. Well, not at my house parties anyways. 
I also always loved the idea of theme parties. I tried to host one myself but my costume didn't fit well and it turned into a very weird sex toy party in celebration of my dog turning 2... Anyways, I think every party should have a theme and there should be severe consequences to guests who don't oblige, like taking a shot of something disgusting. Enter Absinthe.
While I love having friends over and sharing some drinks, I am getting a little tired of the post-party cleanup (although the leftover bottles of alcohol are always a bonus- keep em' coming). That's why I think someone else should host a totally awesome over the top theme party, right now.

I have never been to a toga themed party. That said, my sheets are way too nice to have vodka spilled on them, so toga is out, along with my grade 9 buzz cut (whoa, what?).  There are some theme parties that I would love to be invited to! So if you are reading this: please organize one of the following (and don't forget to invite me).

COCKTAIL
No, a legitimate cocktail party. Every guest is told to dress to the nines, without anyone else making that annoying comment 'whoa why are you so dressed up' (stupid Edmonton). Look sexy, show what your Momma gave ya, but keep it classy. Miley's disgusting tongue face is not invited. Also, have each guest bring the ingredients required to make their favourite cocktail. I know I typically drink a vodka diet, or I spice it up to a double vodka diet, and when I am feeling unreal I splurge on the super stoked vodka coke. I like what I like. This way, we get to try other delicious bevvies out in the world while having some fun with friends. HELLO?? >> it's perfect.


MASQUERADE
Why has nobody ever had one of these in the history of parties in Sherwood Park? This would be so much fun if there was a group of people invited where they didn't already know everyone else 100%. I mean it was on Gossip Girl, it must be fun. Starting with creative invitations, to party favors (tiaras, boas, etc) and prizes for the best masks, this would be such a cool night. I also always secretly thought that having a masquerade themed wedding would be amazing. All of you engaged bitches should get on that. :)


SPINSTERLICIOUS 
I can't decide if this is pathetic or fun. Carrie Bradshaw started this trend with the I'm sick of buying hella expensive baby shower, engagement party, bridal shower, stagette, and wedding gifts type idea. She said it was time some of her friends returned the favour and bring her some sort of awesome single lady gift (lulu pants? wine? silver bullet?), as she was clearly staying single and babyless for the next few years. I think I would host this if I had more single friends, but most of mine are married, engaged, or having babies. I can envision this turning into an incredibly depressing pity party where I end up in the corner eating cupcakes alone with Finn licking the crumbs off my lap (obviously), while everyone else talks about wedding plans and amazing things their babies learned to do that day. If someone else has this party though, I am all over that.

It would look just like this.
PLEASE Tell me you remember this episode
Charlotte: I hate it when you're the only single person at a dinner party and they all look at you like you're a...
Carrie: Loser?
Miranda: Leper.
Samantha: Whore.
HAHA yaaaaaa, I do.Preach ladies, preach.

1920
I liked this idea before The Great Gatsby was made into a movie and suddenly all of the non-readers of the world loved the 20's again. However, that movie did bring flapper back and now it should be embraced. Ladies can rock the fringed dresses and get their hair done in retro styles while the ol' sports can fish a top hat and bow tie out of their grandpa's closet and have a good excuse to smoke cigars all night. It's a win-win for everyone. Everyone could even talk in 20's slang; like calling the ladies 'dolls', avoiding unemployed men who spend their days sleeping 'dewdroppers' (what the hell...), and hopefully nobody will need a 'meat wagon'/ ambulance.



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Lauren Kent

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