Sunday, September 30

The Dating Game

Remember when a man used to court a woman?  
He would start up a conversation, compliment her beauty, treat her with respect, and make her feel special.  He would ask her for her number, her house number, and actually call her the next day.  When he picked her up for a date he would get out of the car and greet her at the door, sometimes he would even arrive with flowers, and once at the restaurant he would pull out her chair.  He would dress up for the occasion, and if they were outside later in the evening he would offer his jacket to keep her warm.  He would hold her hand so she would feel safe.  
If all had gone well, by the end of the night he would ask if she would like to go steady.  
He showed he was interested by making her feel like she was the only girl in the entire world.

I do realize that today the old fashioned etiquette seems a little over the top, however, I simply cannot help but wonder how many elderly couples I hear of that are still together, fifty years later.  Clearly, they did something right.
These days, you meet someone during a night out of drinking.  They jab your cell phone number into their smartphone and may or may not send you a cavalier text three or four days later.  If they're ‘really good’ they'll even convince you to sleep with them, which is essentially a one way ticket to a whole other relationship.  If you actually manage to win over a guy to the dating stage it goes something like this...

She gets tired of waiting for him to ask her out, so she does it herself.  He responds with some off-hand answer, trying not to seem too interested at once.  She nervously sets up the location and time.  He agrees to meet her there.  She spends copious amounts of time trying to make herself look as impressive as she can, not that he seems to notice.  Once she arrives, the first thing he does is check his phone for messages.  Once seated, she nearly pulls out her own hair trying to keep the conversation going, which is a battle she is never going to win, as they are sitting in the lounge and a very important game is on.  She is no match against the big screens and text messaging.  She goes through the entire evening wondering if he finds her attractive, if he thinks she’s smart, if he finds her job interesting, and if he enjoyed himself.  It’s not like he tells her so.  At the end of the night, he asks if she’d like to come inside.  Both of them know what he is insinuating.  If she says yes then she's in.  If she says no, she worries he will never call again.    

This is not to say that purely men are to blame in this dating shift.  Ladies are placing less emphasis on self-respect and focusing on 'being young' or taking YOLO a little too seriously (thanks, Drake).  Going out for drinks with friends has turned into going out to meet someone else, ditch your friends, and find somewhere new to sleep.

Maybe we are just prudes, or maybe we would like to find someone who is more interested in our character than our naked forms.  Being single again is a strange adjustment, with insecurities resurfacing that haven't been an issue for literally years.  Apparently, nowadays there are all of these extra pressures and we don't like them. 
If you like someone- tell them.  If you really aren't that interested- tell them.  If you're unsure about something- ask.  Are we really expecting too much??
Words matter. Conversation matters. Intelligence and respect matter. Expressing affection with words has a far greater impact on a woman than your sexual ability.

**Written by three single girls who apparently suck at dating.

1 comment:

Mom Kent said...

Just go out with your friends LOTS and enjoy yourselves. Stop thinking about trying to find a guy!!

Lauren Kent

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